Monday, March 14, 2011

Hunky Chunk the Pink Elephant

I needed a short story to model to my students. I wrote this to show them how to grab the reader's attention with the use of dialogue. I liked the story so much I think I will add to it whenever I need to show them an example of a style of writing.

Hunky Chunk the Pink Elephant

Chapter One: The Fatal Bus Ride

I have a pink elephant named, Hunky Chunk. He goes with me everywhere. He sits with me at breakfast and eats apple slices. He drinks warm tea by dipping his long snout into the saucer. Hunky also comes to school with me, hopping on the bus and buckling his seatbelt. We sat together and admired the scenery when one day, a boy began to bother us.

“Why are you bringing that stupid doll to school?” Joey asked me.

“He’s not stupid!” I protested. “He’s my friend.”

“Hey everyone, look! Mary has a stuffed animal!” All the kids turned their head to see the spectacle. Hunky Chunk and I sat in our seat with our arms crossed; no one was going to bully us!

“Hey guys let’s play keep away,” said Joey, snatching up my pink stuffed animal. I could see the fear in Hunky’s glass eyes. He went sailing from one side of the bus to the other as the mean boys were throwing him left and right.

“Give him back to me!” I wailed. “He has very sensitive limbs,” I pleaded. I could see Hunky’s floppy limps flailing like birds wings.

“Oh, did you hear that everyone? Her dolly has sensitive limbs,” Joey repeated mockingly.

“I mean it!” I yelled again.

I ran from one end of the bus to the other, trying desperately to catch my poor Hunky Chunk. He was so scared. Hunky was very old and couldn’t withstand too many acrobatics.

After a few minutes of playing monkey in the middle, Joey began to get tired.

“Ok, guys, let’s give Mary her doll back,” he finally said. He whispered something in one of the boy’s ears and began wrestling him for the elephant.

“Don’t worry Mary, I’ll give him back to you, I promise,” Joey yelled in between labored breaths.

“Oh, please! You’re going to rip him!” I was almost crying at this point.

I heard a rip, then a click.

Everything fell silent.

“Hunky?” I called, my voice a mere whisper.

“Um, here you go. I promised I’d give him back.” Joey handed me the remains of my beloved animal. What was left was a ripped arm and a missing eyeball. That must have been the click sound.

The bus stopped and everyone ran off and marched into school, everybody besides Hunky Chunk and I.

“Look what they did to you Hunky Chunk,” I cried.

“Cough, cough, it’s getting dark,” Hunky said with a frail voice.

“Does it hurt?” I asked.

“Pain? Pain is the crutch of the weak,” Hunky said bravely.

“You are so strong Hunky. Is their anything I can do for you?”

“Cough, cough, find my eyeball, then we will get vengeance.”

“Vengeance? What do you mean Hunky Chunk? You have a crazy look in your eye,” I was beginning to feel scared of Hunky Chunk. He wasn’t himself right now.

“That’s right, vengeance. I know people. Stuffed animal people. Just so happens that Joey’s leopard Jasper lives down the street. We’re going to kidnap him.”

I listened to Hunky’s plan while I fixed his eye and readjusted his torn arm. Hunky changed on the bus that day, I could see that. We began to devise a plan to get back at Joey while we walked inside for school.

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